Short Story: Chocolate Boogers

Chocolate Boogers

Ian quickly grabs Liam’s hand and blows his nose onto it.

Liam jumps up and looks at his hand, now full of chocolate boogers. “Holy heck,” he says in disbelief. He looks wide-eyed at Ian, a huge grin spreading across his face. “The candy actually melted before Sam made the jump!”

They look at the chocolate boogers and remember the start of the afternoon…  

“Hey! Sam got a new bike,” Ian said as he popped his head through the tree house trapdoor. “It’s really cool. It’s got flames painted on it!”

“Really?” Liam responded. “What color is it?” He looked up from the M&Ms that he’s sorting by color and raised an eyebrow at Ian.

“It’s black with orange, red, and yellow flames. He says the flames make it faster and jump further than our bikes because we don’t have any,” Ian replied. He sat next to Liam and picked up an M&M. He looked at the sorted candy and placed the piece in a pile. “I told him he’s full of it, that the flames don’t do anything except look cool but he wouldn’t listen. He claimed that he could jump five of us now because they make his bike more powerful.”

Liam laughed, “Five of us? He really claimed he could jump five of us because his bike has flames?”

“Yep,” Ian answered, giggling. “He did. He’s trying to get five kids together so he can prove it.”

“There’s no way I’m doing it. Anyone that does is going to get smushed,” Liam said.

“I know. I’m not doing it either. Should be cool to watch, though.” Ian sorted another M&M into the proper pile. “Why are you sorting these?” he asked.

“No reason. Just bored,” Liam replied. He started scooping the piles into a baggie. “Let’s go see who’s stupid enough to let Sam jump over them with his new flame-powered bike.”

Ian helped Liam put the rest of the M&Ms into the baggie and then they climbed out of the tree house. They ran across the yard and down the sidewalk towards the park. “Shoot,” Ian said, “I bet I can run faster than Sam’s new bike, flames or no flames.” He jumps over a tricycle left in the middle of the sidewalk. “I bet I can jump further, too,” he laughs.

Liam shook the baggie of candy at Ian as they ran. “I bet these M&Ms are faster and can jump further than Sam’s new bike!”

Ian giggled “Dude, I bet those candies would melt before Sam could jump five kids with his bike without smushing any of them.”

Liam stopped running and looked at Ian. “It’s like 50 degrees out here. They aren’t going to melt when it’s this cool. Sam would have all the time in the world to make that jump.” They continued walking down the sidewalk. The park was just ahead.

“Well, then, I guess we’d have to find some place warm enough to melt them,” offered Ian.

“Any ideas?” asked Liam. They stepped into the park and walked to the makeshift bike ramp. A group of kids had gathered around it, talking excitedly.

“What’s up, dudes? Liam, did you see my new bike?” Sam rolled to a stop next to them.

“Nice bike,” said Liam. “Cool flames!”

“Thanks! The flames make my bike more powerful than regular bikes. I can ride faster and jump further with them,” bragged Sam.

“I heard,” replied Liam. “Ian told me you’re going to jump five kids.”

“I am,” confirmed Sam. “The flames make my bike powerful enough that I’ll be able to jump them with room to spare.” Ian laughed. Sam scowled at him. “You don’t think I can do it?”

“I think that Liam’s M&Ms will melt before you make that jump without crashing or smushing someone,” responded Ian.

“I’ll make that jump on my first try. Those M&Ms won’t have a chance to melt! Then, once I make it, I’ll stuff all those M&Ms up your nose and we’ll see how long it takes for you to stop sneezing chocolate instead of boogers. How about that?” Sam peddled off angrily.

“That’s it!” Ian exclaimed. “That’s where we’ll get the warmth! I’ll shove one up my nose! It’s warm up there and it’ll melt way before Sam successfully makes the jump.”

“Ok, but how will we know when the candy has melted?” asked Liam.

“I’ll just blow my nose. Should be full of chocolate covered boogers,” replied Ian.

“I don’t have any tissues.”

“I don’t need any. One good farmer’s blow should do it. That way everyone will be able to see the melted mess.”

Liam looked at Ian and grinned. “If this works I bet it’ll really get Sam’s goat that a candy was faster than his new bike.”

“Here’s hoping,” said Ian as he shoved an M&M up his nose. He looked around the park and saw Sam by the bike ramp. “Hey, Sam!” he yelled. “I stuffed an M&M up my nose. It's got a head start on your bike! You going to make that jump or are you going to flap your gums all afternoon?”

“Oh, I’m going to make the jump all right. Just you watch,” Sam yelled back. “Get into position!” Five kids ran to the area between the two halves of the bike ramp and lay down. Sam peddled to the end of the path that led up to the bike ramp. He settled himself on the bike and started peddling towards the ramp as fast as he could…

A loud crash pulls them from the memory. They look up to see that Sam has crashed into a tree to the left of the bike ramp. They run over to check on him.

“You alright, dude?” asks Liam.

“I’m fine! I just miscalculated a bit. I’ll definitely make it next time,” replies Sam, massaging a bruised elbow.

“There won’t be a next time, Sam,” says Ian. He pulls Liam’s hand in front of Sam’s face showing him the mass of chocolate boogers. “The M&M melted before you successfully made the jump!”